Saturday November 2nd

Hey there, it’s been a long time since I posted last. The last 6 weeks have been very hard on my wife and I. We lost our dog Lady. Her picture is on my page, isn’t she fucking gorgeous? Her death has been a hard hit for both of us emotionally. Ever since we found out that we couldn’t have children she became everything to us. We had already raised her from a 7 week old puppy. She WAS our baby. She was also a big source of emotional comfort for both of us. She was with us through 2 miscarriages and deaths in the family and my many hospitalizations for physical and mental ailments. She really was the best and actually as I’m writing this I’m realizing that, at least so far, this is the first day since she died that I haven’t cried. If I keep writing about her I WILL start crying though, Lady isn’t the main subject today, maybe indirectly.

I haven’t been taking great care of myself lately, even before we lost Lady. Her death has made things worse obviously but I’d already been slipping back in to old habits. I wasn’t exercising, eating like shit and smoking weed again.

Right before the first of the month I decided to fundraise for the Movember cause. Part of it is that I pledge to walk or run so many miles by the end of the month. This has helped me kickstart, hopefully, getting back in to shape. Movember focuses on mental health awareness, specifically for men. A lot or most undiagnosed cases of depression are in men and as someone who has mental health issues and has lost a father to suicide, it’s a worthy cause in my opinion. I decided while I was taking my walk that I would post today. It’s fall here in New England, my favorite time of year. I always love it when the leaves change. Anyways, while walking I was thinking about life and how shitty it has been lately. While I’m thinking this I realized that even though things are dark right now doesn’t mean they always will be. Being out in nature and seeing the beauty out here has I hope helped to tweak my perspective. It’s time to try and start healing and getting back to my much healthier routine. Lady lived to make us happy, that’s all she cared about. She knew when we were hurting and always tried to help. Even when she was minutes from death in the hospital about to be euthanized all she did was keep coming to me and nuzzling my face to comfort me. She was very special (now I’m crying) to us. That being said, when would hate to think that we were sad and hurting. Since she’s not here to comfort me I must remember her. She wouldn’t want me to give up or quit. This all may sound stupid to some people, some would say it’s just a dog. She was more than that to me end of story.

So anyways, I’m hoping to get back on track, we’ll see. Thanks for listening.

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