Monday August 19th

What’s going on everyone? It’s been a bit since I’ve posted, but, I’m back at it.

There are a couple things that I’d like to talk about. I’m trying to get used to an adjustment in my medications. Not sure if it’s for that reason but I’ve had some bouts of insomnia in the last week. It could be due to the fact that I’ve lost some weight in a short period of time and am feeling week. When I have time off of work I can’t stay awake during the day which leads to being up all night, taking some seroquel to help me sleep which makes me wicked groggy all the next day. Other than that, things have been good. My wife, best friend and my nephews went to Boston comic con on Saturday and had a fucking blast. Added some sweet pop figures to my collection but just like last year I spent all my cash before getting to the tattoo stand haha. The wife and I also added some excellent art work to our collection. My nephews who are 13 and 9 experienced their first comic con experience, I can’t wait until next year. Always a good time. The only thing that sucked was that I had been dealing with a diverticulitis flare up the week preceding the event. My youngest nephew was stressing me out a little which added to the pain. Still dealing with that but handling it. We have conditioning week at krav maga which precedes stripe test the following week so I have to make sure I’m fit enough to get to class.

Saturday night after dropping off the boys and going home to change, I went back to my sisters to watch the UFC pay per view with her and her boyfriend. I gotta tell you, I really WANT to like this guy but after Saturday I have to conclude that he’s a fucking douche nozzle. I’m not sure what she sees in him. Her ex husband moved on so damn quick and she’s been alone for several years. At this point I feel like she’d rather be with an ass hat who shows some interest rather than being alone. This mother fucker not once but twice made overly sexual innuendos to her right in front of me. Not fucking cool guy, it took all my strength not to rag doll this mother fucker on the spot.

Even though it was an aggravating experience on Saturday evening I have to say that I’m actually impressed with myself. A few years ago there would have been an incident. I’m not saying that I would have hit him, but, I would definitely have made a scene. Sometimes in all of this going to the psychiatrist and going to therapy and taking my meds you may wonder “is any of this actually helping?” It’s nice to have these occasional reminders that you’re doing something right.

Amongst all these other things I’ve made the decision to give sobriety a shot. I have in recent years given up alchohol and what seems like a lifetime ago, cocaine. For roughly 23 years I have been smoking pot, every day. It wasn’t until I spoke to my psychiatrist recently that I realized HOW I have been using it. Obviously it starts out innocent enough, hanging with friends, getting baked. I realized that over the years I’ve stopped actually enjoying it. It’s just been something that I’ve leaned on. I have been using it to self medicate in recent years and it can kind of get in the way of what I’m trying to accomplish in regard to my mental health. Yes, it helps with anxiety which I have in spades. The downshot being that it is so fleeting that I would smoke ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I need to let it go and let the meds do their job. Another reason being that next month I go for a neuro psychological test which my psychiatrist has been wanting me to do for awhile. She told me that if it turns out that I have ADD or ADHD or something that weed can be really harmful mixed with those types of meds. Another reason being that my insurance won’t cover the testing unless I’m completely sober for at least 8 weeks. During the intervening time the fog has lifted so to speak and I’ve been able to contemplate the matter more rationally. So hopefully it will help me down the line.

Also we may be fostering a pup soon, our American bulldog fur baby needs a friend badly.

Anyways, that’s all for now. Talk to you all later.

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